| Dear Ashley,
Thanks for writing. You are wise beyond your years! You are taking a very serious situation and have come to a good place for an answer. You looked to where someone would write about what God wants you to do. How wonderful you are turning here. I am sorry it has taken so long to write back.
Take this problem to the Lord in prayer. He is in control of every situation. In I Peter chapter 5, our Lord reminds us to: 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. God really does understand, He really sees what is going on, He really truly cares about you, your brother, your mom, and your dad and all the issues each is having! Keep reading God's Words to strengthen YOUR FAITH. That is the first thing you must do in such a situation. If you have a Bible, flip it open and read it. I like to go online to biblegateway.com and there I can use the topical search to type in words of how I am feeling and up pop bible verses that are about what I need to read. I know the Holy Spirit always, always works when God's Words are being read to increase and strengthen your faith. KEEP close to God! He can take care of all these issues! Nahum 1:7 says, "The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him,"
About fighting with your 8 year old brother - what people say is true to a point - sisters and brothers do fight with each other. The world is imperfect and we certainly are not in heaven yet, so bad things go on. HOWEVER, it is not loving and kind to fight around with each other. As you are the oldest sister, you can be a good example and help listen to your brother. You can call him into your room, treat him respectfully and talk to him alone. ALWAYS start out with something positive about him. Perhaps you would say something like this: "Hey Jake, you are really doing well in school, I saw your class' art work in the hall and I looked for your picture. You did a great job on that project. How did you like learning about ___ (sailboats, or whatever it was about)?" Then, take a minute to listen to him and compliment him. You might then say, "Now that you and I are more grown up Jake, I am hoping we can work together more and not fight. It stresses me out and I don't ever want to bug you. Let's work together more. Jake, if you need help in homework or with something at school, please let me know. I'll help."
Make sure to talk to Jake on a day when you are NOT fighting, but already getting along. When a fight is starting, remind yourself that this is your little brother - YOU need to be in control. YOU need to help control the situation. If he keeps fighting, say something like, "I don't think we should talk about this now as it's getting out of control, Let's drop it and talk about it tomorrow after school." Also... if a fight starts out and your mom is near by say, "Jake, let's go talk about this in my room. I know we can decide how to handle it better if we first get a drink. I'll meet you there in 2 minutes." Take the stress away from your mom and calm things down.
Also, about your mom. I am so glad you are concerned about her and trying to be helpful. Her problem is hers to take care of though. It's not your fault, or your brother and you fighting that is "getting to her". She has her own issues and must learn to respond to the world and what happens in a God pleasing way. When she has trouble or gets upset, it isn't because of you two kids, it's her depression she is suffering. You can only try to help and be kind to her.
About your brother wanting so many things that your mom can not afford: again, on a time when you two are NOT fighting, take him aside, in your room or his and talk to him about how you are RICH with God's love RICH with friends, RICH with good teachers, RICH with the love you have for each other and RICH with the love your parents have for you - EVEN if they don't always show it or can't always show it. HOWEVER, money is only one little part of life and mom is choosing to be REALLY VERY WISE in making decisions to not spend all of it on things we don't need. She could borrow a lot of money to get a lot of "stuff" for us, but she is too smart for that. She is wise. How about you and I be wise too and help only get the things we need." Then, help Jake learn that you need milk, but you don't need chocolate milk. You need to have bread, but you don't need to have donuts. After a while you can then easily show him - yes, we need shirts and so on, but we don't really need that new sweatshirt when we have so many. Explain that some people have all those things but they are not always as smart with money as you are being in your family, OR they have a lot of extra money - that is one nice thing, but are they also RICH in God's love and all the other things that you three are?
Thanks for caring so much about your mom and brother. Remember, showing love and respect to your mom is what God asks you to do. He is not asking you to cure her depression. For some reason God is allowing that to continue in her life. Maybe you can remind her now and then that God loves her and so do you and Jake. Remember also for yourself and her - NO ONE is the one earthly person that can make us happy - no husband, no children, no friends are the MAJOR thing that should make us happy OR sad. ONLY GOD is the power that makes us happy. If we depend on other people, it's almost like we are putting them as more important than God. So........ stay close to God's Words! Go to church whenever you can. Read the bible, share God's love with your brother and mom. AND............ ENJOY BEING 13! It's an exciting age!
Write again if you have more questions. God bless you! |
